Missing you. Holidays have become a sad time for me. They make me miss people and feelings and experiences, and rather than being able to remember with joy, I am only filled with longing and hurt. I miss my mom and dad, who spent Christmas eve and Christmas with us every year since my children were born. Their absence has left a void so big, I can only want to crawl into it and suffocate. My children are grown, and have no nostalgia, although I know they miss their grandparents too. The night before Christmas was always filled with family, shrimp cocktail, blue cheese dip, Beaujolais, and a special meal, then wrapping presents and filling stockings late into the night. Today I will finish wrapping all my gifts, and then will have too much time to miss those things. I'm torn apart by my expectations and must free myself of them, or be overwhelmed by a longing for something more meaningful yet unattainable.